


Digital Silk

by penguinpatrolerarmy



Series: Christopher's Self-Insert Stuff [3]
Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Anxiety, Asperger Syndrome, Autism, Autistic Character, Depression, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Gen, High School, Mild Language, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV First Person, Past Abuse, Psychologists & Psychiatrists, Selective Muteness, Teen Angst, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-17
Updated: 2017-10-22
Packaged: 2019-01-18 13:03:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12388629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/penguinpatrolerarmy/pseuds/penguinpatrolerarmy
Summary: Christopher's life has been somewhat of a shit-storm for as long as he could remember. He never asked to end up where he was or for anything to happen to him, but he quickly learned that life doesn't care about the individuals just barely passing along...





	1. Prologue

The puddle-covered ground splashed under my feet as I walked through the dark city. Passing cars rumbled and purred in the distance, be it for late-night shifts or last minute departures from work. The only light left by this point came either from hotel rooms or dimly lit streetlamps. The barely-there reminates of the passing rain faded into something that could no longer be felt. All that was left was a cool autumn breeze and the ambiance of the world around me.

_Live half awake_  
_I fall half asleep_  
_I feel half the pain_  
_And half the relief_

My wandering took me to a few uneventful places. The one I could manage to remember was a small park which looked rather sad with water and darkness enveloping it. Especially with the dingy playground at it's center, idle and quiet. The wood chips at its base were soaked to softness, as posed to their sturdy yet brittle state in the sun. Usually this was a place of relaxation or playfulness amidst large groups, but now it was just a lonely set of abandoned memories.

_I have to "share"_  
_pretend to care_

The breeze started to pick up a bit. I stuffed my ungloved fists into the pocket of my trench-coat, continuing along the pavement. The waterlogged cracks in the cement seemed to dance around carelessly through the panes, as if unaware they were causing damage to them. A few stray leaves were slightly brushed by the wind, yet their dampened state kept them stuck to the ground and unable to fly along.

_I lose half my will_  
_Half my curiosity_  
_Half my reputation_  
_Half my privacy_

Finally I came to cross a large bridge that spanned above a freeway. I rested my head along the corse barriar that ran along the edge, closing my eyes and listening to the abiance of the night. The harsh sounds of traffic... The drippling leftover water... The bustling winds... The sounds were familiar. Yet at this time it felt almost meaningless in the grand scheme. Uneventfull fluff that didn't really make much impact on the world. Moments that wouldn't be remembered dispite their seemingly pleasent nature.

_I'm everywhere_  
_And nowhere_

But... I suppose that life was like that. I sat on the edge of ireperable. Nothing truely held it's ground on me anymore. Life drifted on, no 'if's or 'but's, without stopping. It's inconsistant yet unwavering pace of unbareable events never casted a second look or reconsidered something.

_I'm as high as the clouds_  
_My whole life in the clouds_  
_I'm as high as the clouds_  
_And i’m never coming down..._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics: Will Connolly- Clouds (Digital Silk)


	2. Restless Mornings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A quick look into Chris's Subconsciousness.

I leaned my head against the wall, trying to subdue the dull pains that plagued my skull. Ideally, this isn't how I'd wish to spend my mornings- wide awake at 3AM with a sore stomach and a throbbing headache- but it's how most of them began. I couldn't recall exactly what had woken me up this time, but it'd done the trick. So here I was, Sitting Idle atop the stairs and groggily pondering to myself.

I felt something brush up against my arm. I started petting the small animal without looking over. I was too tired to really care which of the cats had curled up to me, but at least it was keeping me grounded to reality. The cat purred and rubbed into my hand as I smoothed the fur along it's head. 

"Chris?" I heard a voice call. There were three residents in this house including myself, and given the voice I knew immediately that it was Arin. I turned over to face him. He looked somewhat disgruntled, but not in an angry way. He walked over and sat down next to me.

"Can you talk?" He asked.

"Y-yeah." I mumbled, my gaze moving to my feet.

"This is the 8th time this month you've woken up this early," Arin sighed, "...Do you want to talk with Veronica about this? I can set up an appointment."

"...Okay." I replied, not shifting. Arin rubbed my back a bit. This, again, was mostly in routine. If it wasn't him, it was Suzy. Sometimes we'd make tea, Sometimes we'd be standing, and Sometimes we'd just keep talking until one of us passed out. Tonight though, I think we both just wanted to get through with it and go back to bed. I gave the unknown cat a final pat and quietly started to trot back to my room.

"Chris," Arin said before I could enter my room, "It's okay to ask when you need something." I froze for a brief moment, letting his words process. Then, I went back into my room and flopped onto the bed. I still was unable to actually fall back asleep, but there wasn't really much more I could do about that at this point...

* * *

 

The second time I had gotten out of bed that morning was at about 9:30, Which meant I had spent about 6 hours unwillingly staring at the ceiling. I grabbed my blanket and began my trek to the kitchen. Being awake for 6 hours does two things: Make you hungry, and make you really need a caffeine boost. I entered the kitchen, where I saw Suzy sitting at the table and drinking coffee.

"Morning, Chris," She greeted, "Arin said you didn't sleep well so I brewed your tea for ya." I looked over at the counter, Sure enough a small pot of tea rested there along with a much. I poured some of the liquid... It was definitely still very warm. 

"Thanks, Suzy." I smiled, taking a nice long sip. I could tell from scent alone that it was Earl Gray, and hopefully it would be enough to get me through the remainder of the day. I sat at the table, taking a bit of bacon from a plate at the center.

"So what's on the agenda today?" I asked.

"Ah, I gotta record stuff for KKG... We also have those guys coming in to do measurements for the renovations we've been planning." Suzy explained

"Sounds busy." 

"Yeah but I'm sure we'll manage... You wanna come in today or stay here?" I pondered for a moment... It'd been a while since I'd last stopped in for a visit, maybe even too long. Yet, I felt a bit of guilt build up in my stomach as I thought more about it. 

"I-I don't wanna like... Intrude or anything... I-If you're busy..." I murmured, sipping more of my tea.

"Nah, It wouldn't be intruding at all. Besides, I'm sure the others would love to see you!"

"Well, Okay. I do kinda want to see them again..." I took a few more pieces of bacon from the plate and poured myself some more tea.

"Is Arin still asleep?" I asked.

"No, He had some things he needed to do before he went in today so he left early." 

"Oh. Was he okay?"

"Yeah he was fine. He definitely wasn't tired if that's what you're worried about. Arin slept like a baby after he talked to you." Suzy assured. Despite this I still felt a bit of uncertainty about this, but Suzy wasn't one to lie at the expense of another's comfort. I gazed over to a clock.

"What time are we leaving?"

"10:30. I'd start getting ready now if you're joining."

I downed the rest of my tea in a single gulp, Then walked back to my room to change clothes. A trip back to the office had more pros than cons. It got me out of the house, and I'd get to see the others again. 

Right now, I think I needed that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll try to make future chapters a bit longer, but I felt this was a good place to cap this one off.

**Author's Note:**

> Don't forget to comment and share this work. Your feedback is greatly appreciated.


End file.
